Category Archives: Pituitary

I’m sitting flicking between the cricket and the rugby league, having got back from a lovely lunch and walk with Suzanne, Will and Niamh. I am also wondering what really matters.

I could be finishing and updating any of 3 websites I have on the go, or writing a proposal for a leader development programme, or attending to any of the many emails and voicemails that normally demand attention, or even gardening of doing housework…

But none of these things seem important, at least not as important as simply being with Suzanne and doing what I want to do. Regardless of the outcome of further investigations, I am thinking of retiring from most if not all of the various ways with which I fill my time.

I have often said that I now only do what I enjoy doing, yet I am starting to question that. Whilst I love the ringmastering, co-ordinating and networking, the detailed ‘donkey work’ associated with the Rivers Trust and the Catchment Hosting is really not to my taste, and certainly does not play to my strengths. I have removed myself by default from the EMCC – I made it clear what I was happy to do, but that was not enough and as I was not being heard I simply left them to it.

So what seems to matter most is love, simply being with Suzanne; getting MY needs met – is it time to stop accommodating so much ‘for the sake of peace and quiet’?

This is where your pituitary is to be found

Yesterday I learned, as a consequence of a UK Biobank scan, that I have a Adonema of the Pituitary Gland.

I am to be booked to see a specialist as soon as possible, to see whether the discovery is fatal or not. I do not as yet know whether it is aggressive, benign (I wish) or what – only that it is already large.

I have no symptoms, although already I find myself noticing tiny little things such as a itch on one side of my neck and wondering – almost certainly paranoia, but this phase of not knowing can lead to that.

I don’t know whether or not I am in denial but I feel OK so far. I find myself wondering about sorting out wills, power of attorney, educating Suzanne about the house finances, whether or not to even bother submitting that tender for 18 months’ work (do I even want to spend my time doing leadership development if these really are to be my last years?)

I am deliberately not looking stuff up on the internet – let’s wait and see what the specialist says before risking really worrying myself.

Calm yet concerned – not just for me but for everyone else who will have to handle this.